During class, when [Ric] made the joke that God was knocking on the door and we were trying to find the door to let him in, I saw myself running around a circular room trying to find a door but to no avail. I realised that the walls to the room were facing the outside, and that God was on the inside. At that point, I looked down at the floor and saw a trap door. Simultaneously, I stopped reaching out, and turned to look inwards. As I opened the trap door on the floor in the room, I opened a door at the back of my heart. A blast of light came up through my heart. A laser-like column of light rose up from the multi-dimensional depths of my being. For a moment, the light remained contained and then it exploded outwards, blowing all sense of separate-self to smithereens.

Sitting in this space afterwards, I saw and felt that Divinity is all-pervading, I saw it as the substance that Creation grows out of. No matter how complex, or farther away from Divinity Creation moves into separation, Divinity will always be present, connecting it to the infinite whole. I finally understood the vision of the cosmos where the microcosm reflects the macrocosm and vice versa, and I could see now how that could be possible. (I actually saw how this actually works visually which was rather trippy!)

Finally I saw that I am both Divinity expressing itself through Creation as well as Divinity itself and that every part of me in this life, and others, in every moment, contains both. I now fully and totally get the fact that I am both the Relative and the Absolute. (I think before I could see myself as part of the whole, but now I can see myself as the part AND the whole.)

Realising all this, I saw that even in my darkest moments in my darkest life, when I was in greatest separation thinking that God had forsaken me, God was there. This blew my heart right open! Tears of joy and relief flowed as I realised that God had never cut me off, that it was all a self-created illusion. Then tears of sadness flowed as I realised how much pain and suffering I had created for myself over so many lives by 'thinking' God had cut me off.

A week after, I am still easy to tears but that is fine, I just let them flow. I feel like a circle has come to completion, I feel like I have found the thing that I originally lost that I didn't even know I was looking for. I feel like I've come home. I feel connected. I feel loved. I am home. I am connection. I am love.